Hounds and bitches, chap.15

Posted by admin on March 16th, 2008 filed in Hounds and Bitches

Keith rolled on his back and stared up at the ceiling, his brow furrowed in thought. Winced too, because now the welts started aching again.
Aodh had posed him with a conundrum. But he could solve it. So the whore sought a lover. Someone with a heart softer than his would have felt sorry for the poor woman, but those feelings were gone from him. He was too fucked up to feel sorry for anyone who was not completely innocent and even then it was hard. Feeling sorry just made one weaker and weakness was something Keith truly could not afford.
“I have only played lover for foolish old men,” he said quietly, looking at Aodh. “But I can pretend. I’ve heard enough tales. I think…that she might appreciate one who does not simply seek to fuck her, as they all do.”
Idiots.
“There is just that little fact that I am not a noble. I might be an esquire now, but all I know is…you know what. Nothing more.”
Then he lowered his voice.
“I was twelve.”

Aodh bit his lip.
“If I said I was sorry, would you believe? Well, I am, even if you don’t buy it.
But alas, of the queen. Yes, a lover. More than a buggerer. Someone much more. You asked if you should lay low and play dumb. No. On the contrary - you must stand out and show wits and elegance. You have it. Perhaps you have not noticed, but you have it. By nature, it seems. We’ve all seen peasants and you are not alike to them. Besides, are you not a roleplayer? You have seen us at our best and worse, can you not mimic us? I think you can. The rest - I might teach you. I will teach you, if you’d like me to.
Ah, but I’ll tell you another thing - try not to prove the Queen you have fallen for her - show it only a little. Try to make her fall for you. At least a little. Make it simultaneous.”

No. Whether Aodh was sorry or not, it did not matter. It would neither erase the memory nor soothe it. Keith was beyond that.
“Teach me. I need to know.”
To play better.
“How will I do it? I do not think Kester will be very happy to have me and try to well, seduce the Queen as you put it. After all, he likes buggering me so much.”

“Then you must play it so that the Queen would request you of him, don’t you? Because he could not refuse the Queen, and you could act as if you didn’t really like it, but well - once again - who could refuse the Queen?
Teach you I will. I will tell you another thing that perhaps has slipped your mind - your title gives you the right to send most men and women up their own arse. By laws you are no longer a whore, but a noble. Now you don’t HAVE to whore, though you may choose to. But hardly anyone can force you. You have entered their world, Keith. My world. Think of this, and gain a new attitude.”

“I will forever be a whore, no matter what feathers you give me. But I do understand what you mean. A noble, yes. A noble. So strange.”
Keith sighed and turned on his side again, facing Aodh. His back stopped hurting so much after that. Good.
“I need to know…a lot. How to behave, because god knows I don’t know all the right ways to address the Queen and so on, and I need to know who is dangerous and who isn’t. All those things. But you said you will teach me. So you will tell me all.”

Aodh smirked. “I will tell you as much as I know, yes. I am not the best in this dance, but I am good enough. If you’re too good, you cannot be the best. One has to be natural, even a bit sloppy. If you are perfect, it will show that you are but a well trained doll, not a true noble. So, worry not. You will do fine. Enjoy treating all those who’ve bedded you as your equals. Well, the higher lords will look down on you, but they do it with most. The rest you will be able to take.
Our dear Kester forgot one thing when he dubbed you. He can give the titles, but only the Queen can take them away. You see - play well and you are safe.”

Keith laughed softly.
“Old fool. Yes, I know, you said not to underestimate him and I will not, but still.”
He sighed.
“You should try to sleep, so you can teach me well those few days we have before I have to start playing that particular game. I would also like to know just exactly whose son I am supposed to be. Kester did not tell me.”

Aodh nodded and yawned heartily.
“In the morning, then. I’ll wake you early enough and we can go for a walk and then discuss these matters. All right?”

“All right,” Keith replied. He curled up and closed his eyes. “Night.” Then he was ready to fall asleep.

“Good night, Keith,” murmured Aodh and then tucked himself in. Tired, with so much to do. But at least he was no longer alone in this, and that idea brought a smile upon his face.

Keith fell asleep slowly, into an uneasy slumber.
Blood. It was everywhere, coating his hands, his face, his very being. The empty dulling gray eyes, that gurgle. The sound his body made when it fell down to the ground. The glint of the dagger. All played over and over in his mind, until he became it.
Until he stopped being and simply was.
Blood. Death. Nothingness.
Nothing.
Falling…falling and he woke, screaming, eyes wide and terrified.

Aodh jerked awake and peered at Keith, his eyes wide.
“What’s wrong?” he managed to whisper.

Keith shuddered.
Dead. He had been dead.
“Dead…”
He felt cold, but his body felt sweaty. Shivery, like bugs were under his skin. A nightmare…it had been a nightmare, right?

Aodh sighed.
“A nightmare, huh? About your first kill? I’ll get you some cloudberry wine, all right?”

“No wine,” Keith said, stuttering but resolute.
No wine. Didn’t want wine.
“Cold.”
He pulled the blanket around him as much as he could and just curled up. He felt rotten. He had killed him. Not even cared, but now, now when he had felt that…damn it. Why had Tamhas come to him? Why had not he just ran? He could have survived…

Aodh sighed.
“Fine. I’ll get you some hot milk. And that’s my final word.”
He wrestled himself off the bed, pulled some clothes on and exited the room. He was nearly gone when a girl in her bedgown slipped in.
Jessie.
“Keith?” she called out quietly. “Are you here?”

“I am,” Keith replied.
He actually wanted to bury his head under the blanket and sleep several weeks, but he could not. So he sat up, still the blanket around him.

“Excellent,” Jessie said, walked up to the bed and punched Keith right to his nose, putting all her little furious strength behind it - and there was pretty damn much of that.

Keith landed on his back, hissing and growling in pain. Gingerly he raised a hand to touch it. Not broken. Good.
“Just what the hell was that?” he whispered angrily.

“What was that, aye?” She slapped him. “What was that? That was you running around lying everyone about Tamhas! You think I don’t hear? Do you? You know what I think? I think you bloody killed him! You’re a liar, Keith. You’re a bloody liar and a murderer!”

“Stop it, dammit,” Keith hissed. “I damn well know what I did. There is not anything you can do about it. Nothing. Now, will you be here until Aodh comes and I’ll tell him that you punched me. Would not look very good, I think.”
He gritted his teeth and looked away.
He knew well enough. He had done it. He had. He was a murderer, a whore and a liar. Oh yes, he was. And if she thought he cared, she was wrong. He did not care a whit about it.

“Why?!” Jessie insisted. “Why, Keith? He’d done you no harm, had he? Had he? Why did you kill him? He trusted you. He trusted me. I trusted you. Why did you do it? Why?”

“Go away,” Keith said darkly. “Just go away. Isn’t any of your business.”
Because Aodh told me to. Because we have a mission. Because that…that mission is more important than one life. Because he had been raped. Because his lover was dead and there was nothing left to him anyway.
No. He did not do any harm. But he could have done.

“You…” Jessie stuttered. “You’re unbelievable. Just… bloody unbelievable. I thought you were better. I thought… I thought you were worth of my lord saving you.”
She walked to the door and turned around.
“I wish he’d left you for Dugal. That’s right. I do. Bastard!”
And she slammed the door shut.

“Did I ever ask for him to do that,” Keith muttered under his breath.
He rested his head on his arms and was very quiet for some time. She knew nothing. Wasn’t any of her business. He was sick of people not leaving him alone. Aodh was special, he did not mind Aodh. But everyone else? He hadn’t asked for it.
Should he really be here? Yes, he should. He could not go. Aodh would probably not let him go. Aodh would kill him. Logical, of course. Because all those secrets could not go away. Keith growled again and buried himself under the blanket.

Quiet steps. The door opened, closed, and was bolted.
Aodh walked up to the bed, holding a steamy mug of hot milk and honey.
“I’m back,” he stated. “You can come out now. I’ve got you some milk with honey.”

Keith pulled the blanket off his face.
“Jessie suspects. Came here and punched me. Called me a bastard and other names.”

Aodh sighed and gave Keith the mug.
“Drink it up. Dammit. She cannot know what the boy heard. That is important. Let her suspect. She cannot talk. If she does, she’ll be in it, too. Don’t worry, Keith. We’ll be gone by afternoon. Now, drink your milk and try to sleep, all right?”

“Yes.”
Keith took the milk and drank it slowly. He felt a little better after that. It was actually good…to know that Aodh took care of it. Knew how it worked. Good to know that he was not alone. But he was. Always and forever alone. He put the mug away when he had finished and curled up once more, determined to get some proper sleep. He would need it.

And this time he did.
Once the morning came, Aodh woke and sent for breakfast. They got a tray of porridge, cheese and sausages, crisp muffins - both sweet and plain, jam, cloudberry juice, even milk, as Keith was known to be ill.
And Aodh put the tray by the bed.
“Wake up, sleepyhead. Breakfast time.”

Keith jerked when he heard Aodh’s voice and calmed only when he opened his eyes and saw that everything was all right.
“Morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” Aodh replied. “Well, dig in. We’ll eat, and then we’ll take a walk in the park. I will tell you about the royal family, and a bit of the Queen’s bedroom habits.”

Keith smirked, got his clothes on and began to eat.
He did not take too long, but still enjoyed it. Food. Real proper food. Usually he had had to whore for coin so he could buy it at an inn, but here it was given freely. And it was so much better.
Finally he finished.
“I am ready.”

“And so am I,” Aodh replied, standing up. “Look into the closet. We’re about the same size, so my clothes ought to fit you relatively well. There’s a biting weather out there, so prepare. Find some boots, too.”

“Thank you,” said Keith.
It did not take long before he was dressed warmly in dark red clothes, also wearing some very comfortable boots. Over all this he put on a cloak with fur lining.
Very fancy clothes. Felt good too. Warm.
He looked at Aodh, not wanting to think about anything. Especially not about the night.

Aodh gazed at him.
“I wonder how you will look once we get into the court and find you a seamstress and a tailor. You will probably make their eyes bleed. Mine, too, of course. I am not immune to beauty. I thought black was your colour. Now I have to say I might have been wrong.”

“Black is death and red is blood,” Keith said softly. Then his eyes narrowed slightly.
“Thank you, I guess.”
He went to take a look at himself in the mirror. He did look different. Not only the clothes, but the look. It was haughtier now. Maybe he could play this noble game. He had certainly seen much worse looking lords.

I wish there would come a day when you went clad in white, Aodh whispered in his mind, but he kept his lips sealed.
“Shall we go now, sir Keith?”